Change?

I have decided to change (or revert) to a better person today.

People always either overestimate or underestimate me. It is pretty tough being average in the year 2022 where being pretentious is the norm. People praise you for even your little achievements and assume (or pretend that they are assuming) that you’re being humble when you deny the efforts they enforce upon you. And then there are people who would always put you on the sidelines without even knowing anything about you.

This, along with the your average Joe’s regrets/worries, has been eating away at me lately. I have been telling myself for at least a month now to make things go back to the way they were but I end up regretting about the time I wasted being down and depressed. It has been well over an year, I have decided not to worry about the wasted time and that is for two reasons. First is that obviously, it can’t come back. The other one is that the time cannot merely be wasted, for it holds no value, not for my philosophical self at least. And even if it does, ‘my’ time certainly does not, for I am not a God or one of his incarnations, in which case, time would be meaningless anyway.

This is not a long post for sure, just kind of a “life update” thing. The last thing I would change is stop trying to be happy. The pursuit of happiness and satisfaction has robbed me of the very exact thing. My mental slump has taught me that gloom is not all that bad. Why must Sisyphus just be happy? Why simplify things?